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I would like to suggest some snack chips and or crackers that might make a good vessel.

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Are you capable of that? Find a partner to do it with you, and hook your arms around each other when you taste it.

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Get those tiny pink spoons from Baskin Robbins.

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Is drinking your own semen in a shot of Beam the manliest act ever? Although I guess the vegan-friendly nature of Wheat Thins is disrupted when you slather them in semen, but I suspect that the reasons most people choose a vegan lifestyle have to do with values that are not disrupted by jacking off on a cracker.

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Try finishing into a bourbon, then shoot the bourbon.

Then, jack off, and smear just a smidge on your truffle.

Jack off into an oyster, then eat it.